Something Accomplished, Something Learned, Something Resolved

Posted on December 30, 2013 by Annie Neugebauer

I love New Year’s. It’s a time to look back, evaluate, and then look forward, outward, up.

My critique group does an end of the year round table where we all share one thing we’ve accomplished and one thing we’ve learned in the past year of writing. I love this, and I think it leads very naturally into my resolution for 2014.

What I’ve accomplished: I succeeded at last year’s public resolution to find the right agent for me. About a week ago I accomplished last year’s private resolution to complete my requirements to go from Affiliate member to Active member in the Horror Writers Association — basically the difference between semi-professional and professional. That one slipped in just under the gun for 2013. I’ve officially become a professional horror writer. (Or at least as much as any impartial source will ever be able to declare a thing like that. It’s the one I’ve chosen as my own personal meter.) This one is huge for me.

I also achieved something I hadn’t even set out as a realistic goal: I just got news (again, a week ago; follow me on Facebook for the most up to date news) that I received an honorable mention in the national poetry manuscript contest this year. That means my book of poems, Hope and Other Myths, placed top 5 in the country! (This is through the National Federation of State Poetry Societies. They didn’t rank the three honorable mentions, so I was either 3rd, 4th, or 5th place overall.) Only 1st  place gets their book published, but I’m incredibly honored to be named. Really, really honored.

So I was over the moon happy in 2013, right? Well, no. Not when it came to my writing career. Which brings me to the thing I’ve learned. Achieving new goals isn’t what will make me happy; learning to appreciate where I am and how far I’ve come is what will make me happy.

Goals are great. I’m a really strong proponent of pushing one’s self, of setting defined markers of progress. Maybe too much so, though, because somewhere along the way in 2013 I realized I wasn’t that happy with my progress, even though I am indeed making it. Every time I succeeded at something, I wanted more. Somehow, I reached a point where accomplishment felt less like a joy to celebrate and more like… a relief.

Did you catch that? I would succeed at achieving one of my goals and feel relieved. Not happy, not excited, not proud. Well okay, maybe a little, but mostly I felt the distinct release of stress that we call relief. Needless to say, that’s a problem. I’ve always straddled the line between ambitious and dictatorial, and this was a major clue to warn me I was slipping down the wrong side of that line.

I guess I let myself get away with it at first because things began small. I just wanted some initial validation. When I started out, all I wanted was to get one poem accepted for publication. Just one! Then I would know I wasn’t fooling myself. But of course, the thing about goals is that once you accomplish them, you need to set new ones – as it should be. I, however, began setting new ones instantly. Got a piece of flash fiction published? Next I wanted a whole story accepted. Got a short story published? Next I wanted one accepted at professional rates. Got that? Next I needed three so I could bump up in HWA status. Got that? Now I want to land one in a best of the year anthology. (Seriously, I’m incorrigible.)

Do you see the problem here? There will always be something more to want. I used to think, “If I could just _____ (win a contest, get something published, land an agent), I’ll feel better. I would be happy then.” Even some of the most famous authors have admitted to this. Have a book published? Next you want a series. Wildly successful? Next you want to hit the bestseller lists. Land on the lists every time? Next you want to be #1. Done that? Next you want to conquer a new genre under a pen name to prove you can. There. Is. Always. More.

Which means that if I believe reaching my next goal will make me content, I’m sadly mistaken, because the minute I reach it that goal will change to a new one. That’s a great way to accomplish lots of things, but not such a great way to be a happy person.

This has led me to the only logical answer: I need to find a way to be happy with where I am. I will always be driven to achieve the next goal, and I’m grateful for that, but none of that holds value if I don’t enjoy them when I reach them. Somehow, I need to learn to be content amidst the striving. I need to learn to stop and appreciate my accomplishments on a deep level. In that spirit, my resolution this year will not be to reach a distinct goal. It will be to change the way I interact with myself about my existing goals.

The path of a full-time creative is a strange one, full of inspiration and stress and loneliness and pain. It’s unpredictable and maddening and daunting. It’s absolutely unique, which is absolutely beautiful.

In 2014, I resolve to appreciate it – every step along the way.

~*~

Do you have a resolution in mind? I would love to hear from all of you about something you’ve accomplished, something you’ve learned, and what you’re resolving. Happy New Year!

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Posted in Goals | Tagged | 28 Comments

A Spooky Sort of Christmas

Posted on December 22, 2013 by Annie Neugebauer
Photo by yours truly.

Photo by yours truly.

Did you know that one of the longest-standing Christmas traditions (dating back to at least the Victorians) is the reading and telling of ghost stories on Christmas Eve?

It might seem odd at first, but there are two very mainstream instances of this that might better bring it to your awareness. The first is Charles Dickens’s famous novella A Christmas Carol, published in 1843 but still much read today. (And watched, since numerous movies have been made of it as well.) In fact, this story is so popular that many people think it to be the origin of Christmasy ghosts, when in fact Dickens was simply cashing in on an old tradition – though his story’s success greatly revived both the tradition and the holiday itself.

You might also recognize Christmas ghosties making an appearance in the lyrics of the ever-popular holiday song “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.” If you listen closely, you’ll pick up:

“There’ll be parties for hosting,
marshmallows for toasting,
and caroling out in the snow.
There’ll be scary ghost stories
and tales of the glories
of Christmases long, long ago.”

Surprised? I was too, at first. I learned about this tradition in the book I’m currently reading, a collection of ghost stories by M.R. James. James apparently wrote these spooky stories to read to his friends on Christmas Eve.

Naturally, being the avid little goblin that I am, this sounds like a wonderful tradition. I would love to start it in my own house, but I don’t think you need to be the aficionado I am to get in on this. Not convinced that Christmas and ghost stories go together? Here are some thoughts I have as to why it actually fits beautifully.

Christmas (or the holidays in general, as this particular tradition is not religiously tied as far as I can tell) is about family, love, and togetherness. In today’s world, we’re oversaturated with media and entertainment. How many nights do we spend sitting on the sofa staring at screens? That’s usually not being together; that’s just being alone in the same room. Turn off the screens, though, and people start interacting again. They make eye contact, brush hands, laugh with each other instead of just at the same time.

In my mind, the tradition goes like this: Everyone in the house gathers around the fire after dinner, once the night has gotten cold and dark and the coziness of flames and company is appreciated once again. The listeners all snuggle up with blankets and eggnog or hot mulled cider, and the teller weaves (or reads, if not creatively inclined) tales of suspense and supernatural hauntings. The brave and foolhardy will laugh and poke fun and pretend not to be scared – which is always great fun – while the timid giggle nervously and scoot closer together – even more fun.

Before you know it, the evening is spent with words and laughter, everyone is sprawled across the floor with droopy eyes, and all are sent to their beds happy and content – if a little tightly wired. Isn’t that what the holidays are all about?

Also, Christmas is always right around the winter solstice, which is the longest night of the year. What night could possibly be more filled with ghosts? The night of the solstice could give Halloween a run for its money, as far as I’m concerned. For those who believe in the creatures of the night – or life beyond the grave – when else would the veil between worlds possibly be so thin?

Which brings me to the final reason ghost stories on Christmas Eve make perfect sense. Christmas, being a time for family and love, automatically becomes a time of mourning and remembrance for those of us who’ve lost someone important to us – which is most people. Who hasn’t felt the tug of loss or melancholy on the days leading up to Christmas? Who hasn’t cried during the holidays, missing someone whose spirit still seems to linger in our hearts? And what are ghosts if not the memories of those who’ve passed before us?

Whether we welcome them or not, spirits are present around the holidays because we’re human, and humans remember. Not being one to run from my emotions, I say: let’s embrace them. Let’s open our arms, not just to welcome in the thoughts of those we miss, but to gather closer those who are still present in our lives. And if we can revel in a little fun, togetherness, and mischief while we’re at it, all the better.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas, happy holidays, a cozy solstice, or whatever else you’re celebrating this year. May your season be filled with love, cheer, and maybe a ghost or two, too.

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Posted in Horror | Tagged | 18 Comments

The Road from Denton to Henrietta

Posted on December 16, 2013 by Annie Neugebauer

Hi guys! I thought I’d share one of my poems with you today. This fun little free verse piece has been on my mind lately thanks to the crazy winter storms we’ve had here in North Texas. We were iced in for a solid 4-5 days – highways closed and everything! For those of you who aren’t from ‘round these parts, Denton, Henrietta, and Bowie are all cities/towns in Texas. 😉

Back in 2010 this poem received an honorable mention in the National Federation of State Poetry Societies annual awards, and then in 2012 it won first place in the Poetry Society of Texas annual awards. It was first published in PST’s 2013 prize anthology A Book of the Year, and I’m reprinting it here now. Enjoy!

The road from Denton to Henrietta

is barren and pristine;
the yellow grass
is close-cropped and
graying around the temples.
For miles on end
it’s a consistently monotonous
picture.
Suddenly – around Bowie –
snow everywhere,
like the time in fourth grade
I colored an immaculate
picture,
detailed with hours of patience,
and then decided to make it
“look cold.” With unexpected
relish, I grabbed for the
untouched white crayon (still sharp)
and colored over my page
from corner to corner,
only to find
that I liked it better
hot.

© Annie Neugebauer
All rights reserved.

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Posted in My Works | 16 Comments

Does Art Stand Apart from the Artist?

Posted on December 9, 2013 by Annie Neugebauer

Photo by angelocesare.

This has been on my mind lately. It started with reading HP Lovecraft. The short version is that he was racist – even more so than expected for his time, but he still produced some great work. Some very thoughtful comments on that post led me to state this:

“Yes, his racism is ‘unfortunate’ to say the least, but I do believe that art stands beyond the artist. All humans have flaws great and small, and if we discounted every artist based on their personal problems we’d have no great art left.”

I believe that, but I believe it in shades of gray. I keep going back to it, turning the concept around in my mind, studying it from different angles. Is there a line? An exception? Does it vary for each consumer, for each artist, for each piece of art? I think it does. [For the sake of this post, I’m going to consider “art” any creative product. I’m not arguing merit or quality or semantics here; just product.]

I think that this is the reason that we study “context” when we study literature. It’s not just about the actual story; it almost can’t be. The time, place, and beliefs that the author was writing from change everything. Almost all antique literature is racist, for example, because almost all people being published more than a century ago were racist. The same goes for misogyny, classism, treatment of mentally ill people, etc. If we decide to hold artists accountable for their personal beliefs, that leaves us two options when it comes to our literary heritage: 1) get rid of all of it, or 2) get rid of all of it where those beliefs were expressed.

I’m not okay with that. Are you?

So if we allow that art can be based on its own merit apart from that of the artist, what are the exceptions? Perhaps when the negative beliefs can’t be attributed to the creator’s time/background. (That would knock out Lovecraft. Again, I’m not okay with that.) Perhaps when their actions cause ramifications in the real world? There are some chillingly beautiful portions of Mein Kampf, for example, but to study that work without attaching the context would be absurd. What about a less global example, such as A Clockwork Orange? That gets into my old topic of reader vs. writer responsibility. Where’s the line?

A different example is modern popular art. Celebrities. Don’t we judge every contemporary movie, TV, and music star based on their work combined with their public (and often private) lives? Does the racist outburst make Mel Gibson’s movies less worthy? Does it make Paula Deen’s cooking less tasty? I’m not being tongue-in-cheek; I’m really asking. Does it? Can it? And is that fair? And what about drug and alcohol abuse? Clothing? General morals?

Sometimes their personal beliefs change our interpretations of their work, even if those beliefs aren’t apparent in certain works. I’ve been faced with the question recently in deciding whether or not to submit a story to a venue sponsored by someone who publicly denounces a group of people I support. Should their choice to be vocal about their beliefs affect my estimation of their work, their reputation, my potential association with it?

Which brings up another complication: how many other markets and artists that I support go against my values without my even knowing it? Sure, we can condemn those who are vocal about their beliefs, but how many people privately believe the same things? Does public announcement change the game? What if that publicity was unintentional? In other words, should we judge someone more or less harshly if they meant to come out for or against something than if they never intended to get involved in the debate? It might be easy, as a consumer, to say yes: judge away. As an artist, the thought of my art being judged on my beliefs even if they are irrelevant to my work is disturbing.

As I mentioned, this goes beyond ‘art’ in the strictest sense; this expands into product. There’s been a lot of hullabaloo lately about companies coming out in support or denouncement of various causes, and many consumers are basing their consumption choices on those public declarations. (Chick-fil-a, JC Penny, Papa Johns.) Do beliefs hold a place in products that have nothing to do with them? Or in practices that produce them? What would the world look like if people only bought art from companies whose beliefs they agreed with?

I don’t have the answers. I suspect this topic is a little too broad for a single blog anyway. I do believe, though, that art can stand apart from the artist. I believe that sometimes it can’t. I also think there’s something in between, where one can censure the artist – or some portion of them – and still value the art.

What do you believe?

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Posted in Food for Thought | 50 Comments

The Organized Writer Updates

Posted on November 25, 2013 by Annie Neugebauer
An organized writer is a happy writer. Case in point? My WIP bookshelf. Look how happy!

An organized writer is a happy writer. Case in point? My WIP bookshelf. Look how happy!

Hi guys!

I hope that most of my fellow writer followers are familiar by now with the section of my website called The Organized Writer, where I exploit my neuroses in order to offer free documents to help writers– you guessed it – get organized. If not, now’s a great time to check it out. If so, I have a few updates to fill you in on.

I’ve added a brand new document: the Short Story Submissions Chart. If you write short fiction and send it out to be considered for publication, you absolutely need a way to keep track of it. If you don’t already have one, right this moment is the best time to start.

On that note, I’ve just updated the Poetry Submissions Chart, so if you submit poems and don’t have this yet, here’s your chance.

What’s more, I’ve also updated the Character Chart. I’m doing some revisions on an old novel right now and in rebuilding my characters, I found that the old chart was lacking some important fields. So feel free to download this one any time you’re creating new people out of thin air.

The good thing about all of these documents is that they’re simply charts in Word files, so you can always make them your own. Want to add a field? No problem. Don’t use one? Cut it out. Hate my font choice? Switch it. Once you download these, they’re yours to do with what you see fit (for personal use). Change them, love them, use them. It’s your boat; float it however you want.

And on a final note, you might notice that my Organized Writer pages now have PayPal donate buttons so you can tip the author (yours truly). Installing this feature wasn’t the easiest decision for me to make, but over the years there have been over 15,000 downloads of these documents, so people must like them, huh? And although I always have and always hope to keep my website ad-free, a girl’s gotta eat.

That being said, I made this a “tip” feature specifically because I want my documents to remain free. Please, please, please don’t feel obligated to tip. I mean this from the depths of my heart: if you get good use out of these documents, I’m very happy. And if you share the links with your writing buddies, all the better. That’s payment enough for me. A tip is just gravy. (Actually I don’t like gravy, so I guess a tip is more like… cheese. Mmm. Cheese.)

So go forth and download! It’s time to get organized.

To view a full list of all available documents, visit this page or mouse over the drop-down menu in my website header.

As always, I’m open to requests for new documents. Comments here will be closed, but feel free to email me your ideas at annie_07@alumni.utexas.net.

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