Anticipation and Dread, or Why I Decorate Early

It’s funny, I’ve been meaning to post a blog to share some updates and releases with you guys, and when I took a quick glance at my last post about how much I love summer, it made me shake my head. I DO love summer. (Like, a lot.) But lately I am already itching for fall. JoAnn Fabrics has put out some of their autumn décor and I’ve gone more than once just to walk among it. There’s still a full month left before Texas even thinks about moving into fall, but here I am arguing with myself about pulling out the pumpkins even as I go to the pool as many times as possible to soak up the sun. What’s up with that?

I’ve always felt this way. I think it’s this: anticipation is just as much fun (if not more so) than what we’re actually looking forward to. Weird, isn’t it? But it’s true, maybe especially for imaginative people. Planning and making a Halloween costume is just as fun as actually wearing it. Daydreaming about an upcoming vacation is often as exciting as the trip itself. Choreographing a dance is almost as wonderful as performing it—in some ways, moreso. How many of my writer friends plan out elaborate books and even series that they never actually sit down to write? There’s a reason for that…

Anticipation is why I always push my holiday/seasonal decorations as early as feels reasonable. I don’t go too early because then it becomes the norm (mundane) and defeats the purpose for me—and I never cross before a holiday that comes first, because I like them to each be distinct and special—but I always go as early as feels reasonable. I like pumpkins on my mantle late in September and Jack-o-lanterns first thing in October, because putting them there is a tiny celebration of what’s to come. Anticipation.

So I’m not “over” summer yet. I’m still reveling in every perk it has to offer, from late sunlight to cold treats, but I am turning my eye toward fall. Just a little dreaming to get me through the hottest parts of the afternoon…

Fiction is the same way, you know. Just a little shop talk for the writers out there. Maybe I’m hyper aware of this because I write so much horror, which uses negative anticipation to build its momentum (AKA dread.) No monster or bad guy or scary thing will ever be quite as terrifying as the anticipation of coming up against it—of what our own minds conjure in the waiting. Erotica writers know this too. The build up is just as if not more important than the payoff. We, as readers, often think we want the ending, but the truth is that we want the wait. We love the anticipation. The better that, the better the story.

Speaking of stories! (Smooth, eh?) I have a few new releases that you might want to check out!

Suspended in Dusk II is out now, after quite a rocky publication path of two years. (Talk about anticipation!) This one earned its stripes, y’all. If you want the behind the scenes, I interviewed the SiD2 editor and publisher for LitReactor. Or if you just want the book, you can order it in ebook or paperback. The paperbacks are GORGEOUS. I can’t stop staring at mine. And what company to be in! Other stories in this collection are by Stephen Graham Jones, Damien Angelica Walters, Alan Baxter, Sarah Read, Nerine Dorman, JC Michael, Benjamin Knox, Paul Tremblay, Ramsey Campbell, Letitia Trent, Paul Michael Anderson, Gwendoyln Kiste, Bracken Macleod, Christopher Golden, Dan Rabarts, and Karen Runge. You really can’t go wrong with this one.

My story in the collection is “Dealing in Shadows,” which is perhaps one of my more personal stories to come out so far. It’s not me, and it’s speculative, so it’s obviously not my life, but it was definitely inspired directly by my life and my feelings about losing my dad. It’s dark, deep, very sad, and a little creepy. Editor Simon Dewar called it “gut wrenching,” and liked it enough to make it one of only two stories in the anthology pulled from the slush. (Yay, slush!) Reviewer GracieKat at SciFi and Scary said, “There was one in particular, Dealing in Shadows by Annie Neugebauer, that hit me very hard and everything about it was just so well done. […] (thank you for tearing my heart out of my chest and stomping on it, by the way).” That’s the kind of review a sicko like me dreams for. ♥

Also fresh out: Undead: A Poetry Anthology of Ghouls, Ghosts, and More by Apex Publications! I’m happy to have a reprint of my poem “Light and Liquor” in this big, dark collection of creepy little poems. “Light and Liquor” is a Spoon River poem, which means a soliloquy delivered from beyond the grave. It was first published in the Horror Writers Association Poetry Showcase Volume I in 2015. I’m pleased to see it among more creepy kinfolk in Undead. I haven’t received my copy yet, but I can hardly wait (again with the waiting). You can order one now in ebook or paperback.

And in a surprise release, my short story “Glove Box” is also out now in The Dark City Mystery Magazine July 2018 Issue. The digital collected issue is coming soon, but this time you don’t have to wait at all; you can read my entire story for free right on their website! This one is short, only about 2,000 words, and a strange, tense little ride. It’s mostly suspense with a little bit of mystery and a little bit of horror. I hope you like it!

And finally, here’s a quick roundup of the posts I have elsewhere that you might’ve missed:

On the Thickness of Skin- a call for writers to stop ignoring their emotional reactions to negative things for the sake of looking tough.

Poems to Read in an Existential Crisis and Other Unnecessarily Specific Recommendations- a fun way for me to tell you about some stellar poems you should read.

An Interview with the Makers of ‘Suspended in Dusk II’- the interview I mentioned earlier, with questions about setbacks, points of pride, and even some advice for writers.

Also, if you’d like to hear what’s going on with me as it happens, be sure to follow me on Instagram @AnnieNeugebauer to see my writing life in pictures! (There are a lot of pretty books and cute cats.)

Do you tend to anticipate the next thing like I do? Do you see it as part of the fun, or do you try to keep your excitement rounded up into the current season? I’d love to hear your thoughts about anticipation (or dread)–writerly or in general!

I hope you’re all (still) having a wonderful summer!

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