Originally posted on January 31, 2011 at 7:20 PM
So maybe your mean old great aunt Georgia died, and you somehow got stuck with giving the ten-minute eulogy in the form of a poem. Or say you’re creating an online dating profile. Or maybe you don’t have enough positive attributes to fill out a job application. Or perhaps you just want to make yourself feel better through good old-fashioned denial. Well, my friend, you’ve come to the right place.
| If you’re | Say you |
| loud-mouthed | are not afraid to speak your mind |
| a bitch | stand up for yourself |
| *selfish | are goal oriented |
| greedy | appreciate the beauty in objects around you |
| an animal hoarder | are an animal lover |
| abusive | have a firm hand |
| mean | are honest |
| a zealot | have a healthy fear of god |
| lazy | are laid-back |
| a smartass | are snarky |
| indecisive | consider all of your options |
| proud | are confident |
| vain | take care of the temple which is the body |
| *bossy | are a natural-born leader |
| snooty | have great taste |
| careless | are care-free |
| insensitive | practice tough love |
| *arrogant | are proud of your achievements |
| cowardly | take caution |
| oblivious | are innocent |
| jealous | see the good in others (and want it) |
| cheap | are thrifty |
| gluttonous | love fine cuisine |
| lustful | are smoking hot |
| *stubborn | stand firm in what you believe in |
| dishonest | are clever |
| nosey | take a keen interest in those around you |
| short-tempered | are passionate |
| argumentative | love a good debate |
| *introverted | are thoughtful |
| stupid | lead a simple life |
| *oversensitive | are sensitive |
So how ‘bout it, did you think of some I left out? And do you see yourself in any of these? (Now, chances are that if you’ve gotten to the end of this list and don’t recognize yourself in at least a handful of them, you’re rather oblivi—I mean innocent. Yeah. That’s the word.)
*’s equal the worst of my sins. For the sake of not *ing them all, I limited it to 6. But feel free to asterisk as many as you’d like mentally, you meanie—I mean, er… honest person.
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Thanks I am trying to write a living eulogy for my mom and your list made it easier. I gave it the title of gifts from my mom and I figure she should hear it while she is breathing. On the lighter side, when I was brain storming all her characteristics, I asked my wife for help and she hit most of the ones on the left column. LOL
Thanks and Have a Blessed day
Well, at least the eulogy is a living one! I’m glad my list helped you come up with some positive things to say. Best of luck with it! Thanks, Randy.
How would you suggest tweaking two years as a nanny on a resume for the business world?
Well, this list is intended to be a joke. I would never recommend falsifying anything on a real resume. If you’re transitioning from one field to another, you might try being honest about your job switch and explaining what about being a nanny will help you in your new field. But I’m no resume expert by any means, so if you’re worried about it, you might try to find help at a company that offers those types of services. Good luck!