To name is to acknowledge existence.

Posted on September 22, 2011 by Annie Neugebauer

Originally posted on March 13, 2010 at 3:47 AM

My main character is becoming real.

The word “creative” has two kin: create and creator. We don’t always associate these with each other, but the fact is, my creativity means I am a creator, creating. Right now, I do feel like one, drawing a living being from nothingness… or rather from the gray matter that is my mind.

She’s like a sculpture. She started as a block of clay, wood, marble, and I started cutting. I carved away until I could see her form. In the darkness of the car on my four hour drive to CS, (in which I stupidly forgot to pack my CDs) I suddenly saw her hair. Then I saw her form, in action, pressed against a wall hiding in one of my scenes. That one action tells me who she is. I know her. She is sculpted, suddenly and fully—even her clothes.

But she is gray, like my brain, and I paint her. Her skin, her markings, her eyes. Her eyes are part of the spark. Like in a painting how the eyes are dead until you add the gleam, and suddenly the portrait is looking at you wherever you go. She’s like that, now, a sculpture almost alive in my mind, watching me, waiting to live.

She needs the breath of life. The final touch. The flame that lights her.

She needs a name.

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book learnin’

Posted on September 22, 2011 by Annie Neugebauer

Originally posted on March 10, 2010 at 8:11 PM

I’m sending queries off like little, benign doves in hopes that none come back the same. In the meantime, I’m starting my next novel with the idea that creating something new might take some of the pressure off of something old. I already have the idea, the basic plot, the genre and concepts. But I need to flesh it out with places, names, dates, etc. Whether or not they go into the book, I like to know every last detail about my settings and characters. I think it shows in the end result—a sort of underlying depth that implies there’s more. That the characters live off stage. (And they do… in my mind.) Which means: I’m researching.

So I went to the library today with the hub-a-dub. He brought his laptop and played computer games to keep me company. It was very nice of him. It also makes it a lot easier to search out and lug around stacks of books if I don’t have to carry my bag too. Plus, it’s so much more pleasant to be able to look up and point out a picture to him, or read a quote in that library whisper. It’s like swishing the wine before you swallow. It aids the taste process.

We were there for several hours, and I got some good stuff, but today wasn’t the golden day. I didn’t hit the jackpot. The research jackpot? Yeah. I’m really that dorky. So here’s how I do it.

First, I search Wikipedia and the like to narrow down my frames of reference. Then I take those basic concepts to the library (I’m partial to the 3rd floor of Willis Library on UNT campus with that big arched window) and keyword search them in the catalog. I write down any and all books that look like they might have good concepts, facts, or pictures. Then I go hunting.

For a while it’s usually an Easter egg hunt. I find one book at a time, hoping to see it nestled in with a half-dozen other, similar books that would be equally if not more useful. Today, I pulled one-by-one. The jackpot is when you find a whole shelf dedicated to exactly the part of the subject you’re looking for. A dozen or more relevant books that will give you ideas, images, and knowledge. But the Easter egg style is okay until then. Just slower.

Also, don’t you just love the smell of old, hardback books? Mmmm.

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aim small, miss small

Posted on September 22, 2011 by Annie Neugebauer

Originally posted on March 3, 2010 at 6:10 PM

Anyone who’s seen The Patriot has heard the expression, “aim small, miss small.” This is a piece of advice generally used in shooting, referring to the target. For example, you are shooting at a traditional target-board. If you aim for the board, and you miss, you’ve shot the wood fence, space, or innocent bystanders behind it. If you aim for the bull’s-eye, and you miss, you’ve shot the next ring on the board.

Aim small, miss small.

This is what I’m trying to apply to my goals (read life). I’m not aiming for “success” or “publication.” I’m aiming for the bull’s-eye. High hopes. Specific, measurable goals. That way, if I miss, I’ll still be on the board. Because if all you’re going for is “success,” and you miss, where does that leave you?

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It’s all about the bundance.

Posted on September 22, 2011 by Annie Neugebauer

Originally posted on February 18, 2010 at 10:10 PM

Some days, I wonder what on earth I think I’m doing.

Things you need for this business:

• talent
• determination
• confidence
• a thick skin
• patience

Where I’m at right now: overabundance of the first two (I’d like to think) colliding with underabundance of the last two (I’m quite positive) to form a very tenuous and wavy bundance of the middle one.

Luckily for me, I also listed them in the order of their importance—or perhaps, that’s just the order I’d like to think they go in, because that’s the order I have them in. At this point, who can say?

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How does anyone ever have time for anything?

Posted on September 22, 2011 by Annie Neugebauer

Originally posted on February 17, 2010 at 4:40 PM

I feel like life goes so fast. I’m busy, and I don’t have time to do all I want to do. And the scary thing is, there are many more people even busier than I am. How is anyone supposed to get things done?

How the hell do people have time for children? Even in ten years or so, when we reach the age where we want kids, I can’t imagine being less busy than I am now. It’s a snowball effect. How can you bring a child into the world knowing that? It’s exhausting to me to even think of it. God bless good parents who find a way to do it anyway.

People say money can’t buy happiness, but it sure seems like it helps. Families where only one parent has to work have a significant advantage toward happiness over others. So I think that’s the goal: to make enough money now to be able to do that in ten years. But then there’s the argument over who’s the one to quit their job…

I can’t even go through my To Do List on a regular basis. Not just the extravagant stuff, even the “daily” chores don’t all get done every day. And the longer I live the more behind I get, so I don’t see how things will ever improve. I drink at least one Dr. Pepper a day just to keep up. I know it’s not just me; other people feel this way too. They get behind, they pay their taxes for 2008 in 2010.

Doesn’t it seem like the whole world is incurring a time debt? It’s like the US and spending, only with actions instead of money. How can we ever catch up at this rate? Inflation in personal goals and accomplishments means we expect more today than they ever did a century (or even a decade) ago. All it does is make us tired of not living up to expectations during the day and want to sleep even more at night. As if we can “store up” on sleep to take us through the crazy lists of things we create for ourselves.

How can we ever catch up?

It would have to be a global movement to slow down. Everyone would have to agree. And that’s not going to happen, because we’re raised and programmed in our own time, and most people can’t let go of that. I know I’m not going to be the first one to burn my metaphorical cash. So instead, let’s all just be… exhausted and unhappy?

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